Six Month Suva Slump

This may be the longest time I’ve taken to write between things.  It’s not really because I’ve been so busy (although my time is full) or because I have so much to say but just cannot find the time to sit and write…   I think it’s because I have hit a slump.    For some reason I’ve been very melancholy this week. Ultimately, I miss home.  I don’t want to move back home.  I know this is the right place for our family.  I love the adventure my family is on… but I miss my friends and family right now.  I feel very, very far away and I don’t know when I’ll be heading home again.   Several friends have promised that they are visiting here…and those promises help immensely…but I know how incredibly hard it is to get here, both logistically and financially.  Until friends have tickets, I am not going to hold my breath.   I know our families will come and that also helps soften the blow of being away… but with the exception of Warren’s family’s soon to be visit…nothing is really certain yet.  

I am dying to go home within the next year.   I need to see my people.  I need to hug them and laugh with them and share wine with them.  I want to actually be face to face instead of on “face-time”.   Right now, I don’t know if it will be possible for me to go home soon.  It’s hard not knowing when I will be back.  Every year my best friends go on a girls’ weekend together.  This is a weekend we all countdown to all year.  It is the only weekend when we all leave our families and responsibilities and simply be together…whether it is watching the sunset on the beach or dancing our booties off at a club that is too young for us – the weekend is always memorable, special, and reminds me how lucky I am to have these friends.   The annual weekend is two weeks away.    The girls are making playlists and discussing departure times.  I LOVE hearing about the details, being a part of the anticipation … but it also kills me not to be there.     We’ve talked about doing a big trip for our 40^th birthdays for the last ten years, the ultimate girls’ weekend.   That trip would be next year, and now I’m not certain if I’ll even be able to make the trip.  This too tears my heart out….  

On top of the missed girls’ weekend, I had a good catch up with my long time bestie yesterday.   She told me how sad she’s been because while we’ve lived apart for the past 20 years we still saw each other regularly.    She told me how much she feels my absence and as she was telling me, my stomach dropped … as I realized how much I miss her too.   We both had a little cry and made promises to see each other sometime soon….hopefully she’ll visit in 2017, which is amazing but also amazingly far away.    She’s been my best friend since I was seven years old, and to not see her or her family regularly leaves a hole in my heart.  Yes, we can skype and face-time…and it helps SO much, but I need to kiss her girls, go on a long run with her, and just be together. 

All of these feelings are coupled with a general blah feeling I’ve had lately.  I’ve hit a slump.  I need to start working…or maybe I just need a few days out of grey, rainy Suva.   The dreary days are starting to run together and I need a purpose and a little sunshine.   There is light on the horizon though because soon we will be vacationing with Warren’s family, hopefully I’ll soon be working, and I’ve recently learned of some real opportunities to put my skills to good use around here. 

I KNOW there are SO MANY more legitimate reasons to be upset in life.  I know that being homesick and sick of the grey weather are minimal compared to real problems in life.  I should feel grateful for the amazing life we live and all of my incredible blessings, and I do feel grateful.   This isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things…but in my little world this week, I’ve missed home.   It will get better – I am not a person who can wallow forever.   Actually just writing about it has already helped.   Sometimes I guess it’s ok to miss people though because it just reminds you how precious they are and how thankful you have them in your life to even miss.  

A fun night 13 years ago followed by a recreation at a recent girls' night last December.  We definitely know how to have fun together!

You know are friendship must be legit if we made it through these awkward years together!   Wow....