Gains and Losses

It's been almost a week since I wrote.  I am not sure how I am so busy since I am not working...but I am busy!   A stateside friend joked me yesterday that she was envious because I could just sit by the pool and read all day, but that's really not the case.   I am definitely not as busy as I was in the states, but somehow...I'm still busy....just keeping the show on the road for the whole family.

Warren was gone for the past two weeks.  He had the opportunity to go the states for a Peace Corps training.   He flew into New Orleans to meet his best friends for jazz festival before he spent the week in D.C. for the training.  He was then able to spend the weekend (which fortunately included his mother's birthday and mother's day) with his family before a quick stop in Atlanta for the night to catch up with friends and check on our house and Lola.   I am so happy for him that he had this awesome opportunity, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I am also pretty jealous.   I got to single parent for two weeks while he got to see family and friends at home (and worked too.)
The girls and I were fine.  We all missed Warren, but we work pretty well just the three of us too.  Of course there are melt-downs while he's gone...but I deal with them...and we move on.  We are all super happy that he's home now.

Look at these two cuties!

I have decided to lose weight.  I weigh more now than I ever have, excluding my pregnancies.  I am not sure why I gained so much weight in the last year.   I don't know if it's my age (nearing 40!!!) or if the stress of the big move.  I do know that once I knew we were moving here, I threw all caution out the window and ate whatever the hell I wanted.  I kept thinking..., "I won't get this in Fiji.  I know there's not good ice cream there...so let me eat this whole pint of Ben & Jerry's.  I know I cannot get good cheese, so I'll just eat this whole block.", etc.   It was pretty indulgent.  Then, when I got here...I didn't change my attitude.   I just kept eating whatever was put in front of me, especially candy and wine.   Too much candy and too many nights of having 1-2 drinks before bed.  

A number of incidents occurred which caused me to have a real wake-up call....the biggest being the arrival of our scale and the reality of my weight gain.    For the past two weeks I've been using My Fitness Pal, the calorie-counting app.  I've been vigilant.   I will remain so until I've lost the weight.  Once I am back to my normal self, I'll ease up a little.   I have been working out six days a week since forever...so that won't change.  I am trying to allow myself to indulge on the days I do my long runs (usually Saturdays) but I am feeling a bit guilty about that....but please...I've got to live a little!!!  There is just this fine line between being healthy and fit...and chubby and happy.... I need to find the balance.   I'll try once I lose 10 pounds!

The only other real thing going on this week is...  I MISS HOME.  Today was hard.   Today in Atlanta, Zoe's preschool class graduated from preschool.  This graduation is the most heart-warming, tear-jerking celebration for parents and kids alike.   I will always remember the day Andie graduated from GPCP and since Zoe started there, I thought about her graduation day.   It sounds hokey...but it's so touching.   That preschool is magical...and I'm so sad that we weren't there for the ritual of recognizing the closure of that special time.   Seeing my friend's pictures on facebook made my heart beam, knowing how grown the kids were and how they were all together....but also made my heart ache...longing for Zoe to be with them too.

Two of Zoe's besties

Zoe's old crew graduation day

To add to that, it was portfolio day at Andie's old school.   I found out that the class prints a picture for the parents, usually from the end of the year.  This year, Andie's old class would only use a picture from the beginning of the year, since Andie was in that one.   There is also a heart in their classroom.  In this heart, the kids place names of others they want to "wish well".   Apparently, Andie's name is a regular in that heart.  What a special group of kids.   Those friendships are one's I'm not sure can be replaced.    In Andie's bestie's portfolio, she wrote a book and dedicated it to Andie.
All of this makes me long for home.....     Yet, even while that yearning is there, I know we are in the right place.  I feel more settled here every day and I know that our family is better for having this adventure together.  We may miss a lot...but we've gained too (and we've gained more than just weight!)

Wish you well heart

The Awesome Owls- Andie's old first grade class

Does the "was" pull your heart out?  Mine too.