Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day here.    There was a cute celebration at the school on Friday in honor of Mother's Day and today the girls and I went to the beach for a few hours of relaxation and fun.   I was also able to take a little me time and go see Pitch Perfect 2.   (Super fun movie).   The day was a good balance between spending time with the girls and spoiling myself just a tiny bit by seeing a movie.  Mother's Day is funny like that because there is always a balance between celebrating  your own mother, spending time with the little people who made you a mother, and then also just taking a break from it all...because, well, you are a mom...and that naturally makes you damn busy...needing that break.

For part of the day the girls just played on the beach and I was able to sit back, relax, and watch them play.  Nice Mother's Day moment

Being a daughter, becoming a mother, and being a mother is far too deep for me write about with any eloquence, so I won't even try to pretend that this is anything similar to all of the moving stuff I've seen posted on Facebook this weekend.   It's so life-changing and life-defining that I have trouble putting it all into words.  I can easily say though....  the Peace Corps' motto  "The toughest job you'll ever love" has nothing on motherhood.   Motherhood is so incredibly hard....yet at the same time I wouldn't change a thing.  One of the  most difficult parts for me is the constant questioning if I am doing the best I can and making the right choices.   Seems I am always questioning.....

"Do I intervene here or do I let them problem solve this one on their own?"
"Do I give them the freedom to be who they are meant to be or do I try to shape and mold them into better citizens with strong values? How do I balance that?"
"How do I answer, 'Are mermaids real?'  Do I tell them the truth?  Do I answer with a question? Do I spoil their innocence?"
"Do I lay with her until she falls asleep because, gosh, really...how much longer will she want to snuggle with her mama like this...or...Do I foster independence so she can fall asleep on her own and not make me crazy on the nights I don't want to lay in bed forever?"
"How hard do I push this sport if they already signed up for it but no longer show interest?"
"How much do I push with homework so they don't hate school but also get their work done?"
"How do I keep my cool when I've already asked them five times to do something?"
"How can I be loving, supportive, nurturing and at the same time be structured and a disciplinarian?"
"Will they be ok from this move? Did we do the right thing?"
"How do I get my kids to stop picking their nose??"
"Am I doing ok as a mom?  Will they be empathetic, happy, contributing members of society?"

The list of questions could go on and on and on.    I just try to trust my gut and believe in the fact that I KNOW my children KNOW that I love them deeply.   That's the only thing I do know...and I have to believe that's enough.  All of the other stuff...I'll just keep seeking and do my best.


I do know that my Mom did her best with me.  I always felt loved.  Now that I'm a mom I have even more respect for her as my mom.   She may have questioned too....but in the end, I always knew I was adored and LOVED and that is all that really mattered....

Happy Mother's Day to my amazing mom, to my friends who have become incredible moms, and to women everywhere!   Cheers to the toughest job I've ever loved!