sax
This is probably an inappropriate blog topic, so maybe I won't even publish it ... but I keep thinking about it, so I need to write it out anyway. It came to our attention lately that one of Andie's best mates knows about the mechanics of sex due to a comment from her older sister and her parents explaining it to her in a healthy way following the comment. Warren and I knew that if Andie's bestie here knew, so did Andie probably. We talked about the best way to bring it up to her and exactly what to say....but we never had to bring it up.
Yesterday morning, Andie asked me to fix her kindle so that she could play mindcraft because her new mindcraft has sax in it. (Don't worry....it doesn't really). I asked her, "Sax?" What is sax? She said, "Mom, you know what sax is don't you?" I replied, "I think I know what you are talking about, but I want to know if you do." She answered, "Sax is when a boy sticks his weiner in a girl's vagina, pees, and then a baby is made." (Let me just say that we don't use the word 'weiner', we only use proper body part names...so I am not sure where she got that one.) Wow. I did not expect her to fully know about sex, even though Warren and I had discussed it just the night before. I was still a little stunned. Meanwhile, Zoë is sitting right there laughing and repeating exactly what Andie just said in disbelief. While I am comfortable talking to Andie about sex, I did feel a little odd with Zoë there...just not sure she is mature enough to handle the information. But, she heard Andie's idea of "sax" which was pretty darn close...so there was no stopping the conversation at that point. I would rather her hear it from me than have misinformation from someone else.
When Andie told me her version, I stayed very calm and did my best not to appear at all flustered. I want her to know I am comfortable with the topic and she can always come to me. I corrected her version and used correct body part names. I explained that in our family, we believe that sex is at it's best when it's between two people who love each other and have a committed relationship. It is something between two people who both want to do it. Zoë then blurts out, "Does Daddy stick his penis in your vagina?" I suppressed my smile, nodded and said, yes, that is how you were made. They both said they thought it was gross, and I agreed with them that when I was their age I too thought it was disgusting. (I so remember my mom telling me and me being completely grossed out and freaked out....but I asked the details, so she shared. She appeared comfortable...I remember that too). I then said, "Even though you think it is gross now, it is actually something that is quite beautiful and a very special way for two people to show they love each other." I explained that because Daddy loves me and respects me and treats me well, it is an important part of marriage. Then Andie asked if her teacher's boyfriend puts his penis in her teacher's vagina. I envisioned her asking her teacher too, so I quickly said that I am not sure about this because sex between two people is private. It's not something we talk to others about, but of course it's ok for us to talk about it at home. I commended her on asking me questions and told both of them that they can always come to me with any questions they may have regarding sex. The conversation ended when Andie said, "I have two more questions. 1. Why do people have sex? 2. How many days until Christmas?" I answered that people have sex because it feels good, it's how they show each other they love one another, and it's how people make babies. And, 40 days until Christmas. The conversation shifted to Christmas after that.
Since then, there hasn't been any more discussion but I did bring it up one time with her, just asking if she had any more questions. She said not at that time but maybe later.
I let my mom know we had "the talk" and she was sad. She was sad about their loss of innocence and then thinking like that made me sad too. But, after dinner on the same day as the conversation, both girls were singing nursery rhymes. As they sang, "One little duck went out to play...." I just thought how funny it is....one moment singing nursery rhymes, the next discussing sex. They are still innocent....they just have more proper knowledge now about a big part of life. It's one of those days I'll always remember and I wonder if they will too.
Yesterday morning, Andie asked me to fix her kindle so that she could play mindcraft because her new mindcraft has sax in it. (Don't worry....it doesn't really). I asked her, "Sax?" What is sax? She said, "Mom, you know what sax is don't you?" I replied, "I think I know what you are talking about, but I want to know if you do." She answered, "Sax is when a boy sticks his weiner in a girl's vagina, pees, and then a baby is made." (Let me just say that we don't use the word 'weiner', we only use proper body part names...so I am not sure where she got that one.) Wow. I did not expect her to fully know about sex, even though Warren and I had discussed it just the night before. I was still a little stunned. Meanwhile, Zoë is sitting right there laughing and repeating exactly what Andie just said in disbelief. While I am comfortable talking to Andie about sex, I did feel a little odd with Zoë there...just not sure she is mature enough to handle the information. But, she heard Andie's idea of "sax" which was pretty darn close...so there was no stopping the conversation at that point. I would rather her hear it from me than have misinformation from someone else.
When Andie told me her version, I stayed very calm and did my best not to appear at all flustered. I want her to know I am comfortable with the topic and she can always come to me. I corrected her version and used correct body part names. I explained that in our family, we believe that sex is at it's best when it's between two people who love each other and have a committed relationship. It is something between two people who both want to do it. Zoë then blurts out, "Does Daddy stick his penis in your vagina?" I suppressed my smile, nodded and said, yes, that is how you were made. They both said they thought it was gross, and I agreed with them that when I was their age I too thought it was disgusting. (I so remember my mom telling me and me being completely grossed out and freaked out....but I asked the details, so she shared. She appeared comfortable...I remember that too). I then said, "Even though you think it is gross now, it is actually something that is quite beautiful and a very special way for two people to show they love each other." I explained that because Daddy loves me and respects me and treats me well, it is an important part of marriage. Then Andie asked if her teacher's boyfriend puts his penis in her teacher's vagina. I envisioned her asking her teacher too, so I quickly said that I am not sure about this because sex between two people is private. It's not something we talk to others about, but of course it's ok for us to talk about it at home. I commended her on asking me questions and told both of them that they can always come to me with any questions they may have regarding sex. The conversation ended when Andie said, "I have two more questions. 1. Why do people have sex? 2. How many days until Christmas?" I answered that people have sex because it feels good, it's how they show each other they love one another, and it's how people make babies. And, 40 days until Christmas. The conversation shifted to Christmas after that.
Since then, there hasn't been any more discussion but I did bring it up one time with her, just asking if she had any more questions. She said not at that time but maybe later.
I let my mom know we had "the talk" and she was sad. She was sad about their loss of innocence and then thinking like that made me sad too. But, after dinner on the same day as the conversation, both girls were singing nursery rhymes. As they sang, "One little duck went out to play...." I just thought how funny it is....one moment singing nursery rhymes, the next discussing sex. They are still innocent....they just have more proper knowledge now about a big part of life. It's one of those days I'll always remember and I wonder if they will too.
Comments
Post a Comment